The Boob Tube: Sexy Warriors (2014)

Ancient amazons Diana of the River Tribe (Jazy Berlin) and Athena (Erika Jordan) Queen of the Mountain People are both warrior women from the Isle of Lesbos. They duel over the legendary Orb of Azoth which is said to grant the wishes of those who are worthy. The River Tribe is trying to find out the secret of men while the Mountain People will do anything they can to prevent their society being polluted by men. Diana uses the Orb to jump to the future.

Christine Nguyen is gym owner Gail who digs her boyfriend but doesn’t mind getting a workout from one of her gym rats from time to time. She works up a sweat as she gets soft pounded in a weight room room and is as energetic and fun to watch as ever. As soon as she gets dressed Diana ends up in her gym. Good thing Gail is a fan of amazons…she reads their books all the time…she takes the blonde warrior home for dinner but Diana ends up teaching Gail a thing or two when she eats at the Y. Gail helps Diana find a man, Mario (Alec Knight), who takes her back to his place where she learns what she’s been missing out on. Though she’s never been with a man before she catches on pretty quickly.

Athena finally comes to almost forty minutes later and uses the orb to follow Diana to the present day. Where Rita (Misty Stone) and Mark (Voodoo) gab about why Rita finds men…lacking. Hatching a plan to escort the newly arrived amazon queen the two decide to exploit Athena in order to fund their own line of gyms. She has Mark hit the showers while she convinces the tight warrior with a tongue bath.

Gail, Diana and Erik (Brandon Ruckdashel) try to find out if Erik is the man that Diana was sent to bring back. Rita soaps up for the obligatory light jazz scored shower scene. The threesome tryst helps solidify Erik and Gail’s rocky relationship. Rita and Mark take Athena on a talk show to make some quick cash while Athena uses the show to find out where Diana is hiding. Mario sells her out and Athena confronts Diana in Gail’s house. After recovering from being maced Athena agrees to try a man out. Erik is denied since Gail is once again interested in him so it’s left to Mark to satisfy the demanding queen and preventing bloodshed between the tribes. It takes him no time to start grabbing at her zeppelins and trying to show her the value of men. The movies main fault lies is the fact that Ms. Jordan is woefully underused. She looks great in every scene and seems to have a lot of fun with the role.

As it turns out Sexy Warriors is simply a prelude to a punchline but one that is a decently humorous payoff for most flicks of this type. There’s also a couple other good lines. One of which being, “Is that a keg in your back pocket? Cause I want to tap that ass.” The DVD is pretty bare bones. In addition to the feature, the disc has trailers for Sexy Warriors, Lolita From Interstellar Space and Great Bikini Bowling Bash.

The Boob Tube: Sexy Wives Sinsations (2013)

In this follow up to Sexy Wives Sindrome, Dr. Anderson (Melissa Jacobs) helps run a marriage counseling resort styled clinic where she brainwashing struggling couples to steal millions of dollars and ending up confused and clueless in prison while helping them enrich their sex lives and work out any marital and sexual dysfunction. Stalwart officers portrayed by Frankie Cullen and Cindy Lucas go deep under cover as troubled couple Frank and Cindy Sampson at Harbinger Clinic while trying to get their hands, and everything else, on some hard evidence. Needless to say Frankie and Cindy have to get close and pump the clinic staff. Then they have to figure out a way to try and get some information out of them too. Do the cops have enough for a bust or will the crooks fuck them over? Both? Keep your peeping holes open for this flick to find out.

Director Jim Wynorski sure knows how to shoot late nite skin flicks. His Sexy Wives Sinsations shows how it is stacked with well endowed entertainers. Current late nite co-fave Christine Nguyen (She shares the title and, in some films a whole lot more with Erika Jordan.), Antonia Dorian, the busty and beautiful Cindy Lucas, sultry Kylee Nash, and Melissa Jacobs could melt an ice cap with her sexy gaze. Stern Sybian jockey and alleged liver cancer faker, Raven Alexis is a stone cold stunner, brunette with a gorgeous face and rockin’ body. The male talent includes softcore stalwarts Frankie Cullen and TJ Cummings.
flicks always offer up some kind of story that is interesting enough to watch in between the numerous soft bang scenes. And boy howdy are there a couple in this one. He offers up no fewer than eleven scenes featuring some of the most gorgeous and busty women currently working in the entertainment business. Roughly every six minutes

I could go on about how technically sound the pic is likeJim Wynorski…Sam Pepperman is adept with the camera as it circles all of the frantic encounters pausing here and darting there. Anyhow I digress. I mentioned eleven scenes did I not?
most of the auteur’s work but that would be preaching to the choir. I know your just curious about how the bangs play out. However, I will point out that Wynorski is on point with the camerawork. Just check out Frankie Cullen pouring it to Kylee Nash and you’ll see what I mean. He doesn’t just cut between shots but allows the camera to flow around and through the scene and it is quite a great effect.

One struggling couple, portrayed by Christine Nguyen and TJ Cummings, are joined by one of the clinic’s cleaning staff, Lulu (Samantha Ryan), and she helps them work out a few kinks they may have had between each other. Afterwards they are successfully programmed and we find our intrepid cops getting to know each other before they go undercover they get undercover as Cindy and Frankie paw at each other for a bit. The doc decides to give Christine special attention as the two of them clean up and rub down with some chocolate syrup. Seriously, who doesn’t keep chocolate syrup in the shower? I have it and vegemite just below the body wash. TJ gets singled out as well when he has handfuls  his hands full of Melissa and Raven in another threeway. Hope you don’t get tired of them because there are seven of them in this fleshterpiece. One of the best scenes is Frankie and buxom nurse Kylee Nash. Holy shit if this isn’t one of the films hotter moments as Kylee looks like a pinup in her uniform. She really looks great taking a soft doggy pounding as she locks eyes with the camera. It’s definitely a sizzler. Cindy feels the burn when Raven and Samantha join her in the workout room for some lesbo fun. Sadly the girls do not work up much of a sweat but the scene is great nonetheless. Melissa enlightens Frankie and Cindy as she informs them that, “According to the Kama Sutra there are over eleven hundred sexual positions known to man.” An incredulous Frankie is shocked, “You’re kidding”  he replies but Melissa assures him, “No, with a body like mine do I look like I’m kidding?” The trio then try to discover some non-standard positions. Did I say threesome? Rounding out the flick are some great sapphic trios: Melissa, Raven and Samantha get wet in the jacuzzi, Raven, Samantha and Christine lap at each other to the best song from the soundtrack (all of which is by Roobie Breastnut) not sure the name of this one but wish I knew it. Other songs are Cream Sucking Baby and Pussy, Pussy, Bang, Bang. TJ and Christine reunite and are joined by Raven and finally there is another lesbo three banger with Kylee, Cindy and Antonia to bring the shenanigans to an end. And, wow, are my fingers tired. Another great touch is that more often than not the gals always gaze at the camera with a satisfied and playful expression after the action ends.

I caught this sweltering fireball of a flick on Cinemax. If you are fans of similar fare…and why wouldn’t you be…track it down and give it a watch.