Cinemaxxxed: Hard Hunted (1992)

Why should I let the bombastic action marathon end when there are so many more tales of babes with gravity defying busts in the canon of epic saga auteur Sir Andy Sidaris?  Tonight’s fun continued with the aptly titled HARD HUNTED.  It shows a disposable L.E.T.H.A.L. Force member, Mika (Mika Quintard) working her deep cover assignment infiltrating Kane’s organization with Silk (Carolyn Liu).  Cole (male model Buzzy Kerbox) is a local cop she unofficially recruited to help her in her task which she fails miserably when her cover is blown.  She does get a jade Buddha from Kane which contains a nuclear weapon switch…

Our favorite lady agents Donna Hamilton (Dona Speir) and Nicole Justice (Roberta Vasquez) are back and they are relaxing hard all the while being hot in their bikinis helping spice up the scenery of Sedona.  They do shit that highly trained special agents do when relaxing…you know…they frolic and pour water on each other and laugh.  Their vacation is interrupted when Mika shows up and gets mowed down by a helicopter piloted by the cold blooded Raven (Al Leong, a recognizable baddie from a little movie called DIE HARD). 

A nuclear trigger has been stolen and Kane (now a much younger and less Asian man is portrayed by Geoffrey Moore) is selling it to the highest bidder.  Lucas (now played by Tony Peck) is sitting in top level meetings concerning the Kane situation when Mika has to go to ground.  She calls in to the Agency’s latest cover operation and communications center KSXY which is right next to Edy’s (Cynthia Brimhall) show bar.  The ladies have some ample support from sultry Dr. Ava Cadell who plays Ava the station’s night line loveologist who broadcasts coded messages to agents and takes their phone calls while on air.  Who cares if it doesn’t make sense…the chick does it while wearing a bikini and generally has a busty blonde assistant running around the studio topless.  The wild shooting Shane Abilene (Michael Shane) still can’t hit shit and is the station’s daytime DJ and still works for the other cover operation Molokai Cargo. 

They all quickly come together trying to foil Kane’s plan to sell the nuclear switch to the Middle East.  Rallying back in Hawaii the team faces it’s greatest challenge in Raven and his high tech gyrocopter.  The copter is pretty badass but I’m pretty sure that the action sequences are shot with a remote control helicopter…that is one of Andy’s go to gadgets other than tits.  Raven wreaks havoc while Cole slinks around in the background foiling the Agency’s plan and helping Donna get kidnapped.  She escapes one plot but falls into the hands of rugged smugglers led by Pico (Rodrigo Obregon) who have plans to hand the amnesiac agent over to Kane.  Cole comes down to collect the confused Donna and in the chaos caused by L.E.T.H.A.L., Kane, and the smugglers he takes her down to the beach and pretty much rapes her.  When she regains her memory she impales his ass on a machete and gets back to government business.  

When the smoke clears Kane has been foiled again, the ladies have all paired off and banged their men again and shown off their sweet chestnuts at every opportunity.  Lots of shit blew up and many squibs were popped as the hot agent babes saved the day again.  Some have accused Mr. Sidaris for taking his films too seriously (okay…I made that up) so he shows his humorous side when he introduces the duo of hit men Wiley and Coyote hired by Kane.  They bought an Acme hovercraft… get it?  Their guns and all their shit says Acme on it…in case you don’t get it.  When the hovercraft is about to blow Wiley slams his helmet closed and rockets up into the sky to come crashing down moments later. 

Yet another glorious pineapple saga featuring the best boobs money can buy and the hardest bodies ever to grace the glossy pages of fine men’s magazines.  Packed again with action, bouncing breasts, bikinis, bare bosoms, Playmates and Pets, HARD HUNTED is yet another example of how Dr. Sidaris can put such entertaining films together while maintaining the highest of production values.  The trailer can be found below.  Do I even need to say…check it out?


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