Cinemaxxxed: Guns (1990)

Shane Abilene and the busty babes of the agency front Molokai cargo are up to their tits in trouble.  I would say up to their necks, but with floatation devices like those on board no one is in danger of drowning.  Erik Estrada is the nefarious Juan Degas aka The Jack of Diamonds and he has a plan to bring a large shipment of the latest in Chinese assault weapon technology to the US via Hawaii.  His first job is to distract the nubile agents by sending them on a wild goose chase.  He succeeds through his inept hired gunmen even though they assassinate the wrong person.  It still works as the bod squad head to Vegas hot on their trail.

The bumbling bad guys eventually meet their end at the hands of the vengeful agent and magician Abe (Chuck McCann) who makes two scumbags disappear when he blasts the two to death with a chrome shotgun in the interrogation room.  The Jack does not take this lightly.  Though they were mere hired thugs, he sends his girlfriend and handy hitwoman Cash (Devin DeVasquez) to remove the magician from the picture.  All the while the girls take some time to enjoy their trip to Vegas as Nicole (Roberta Vasquez) gets lucky with Bruce (Bruce Penhall) on the back of a motorcycle.  With the L.E.T.H.A.L. (Legion to Ensure Total Harmony And Law…) ladies on the mainland, Jack is free to begin importing his weapons.

Once they make it back to the islands it’s time to kick ass and take names as they face off against The Jack’s private army.  Rocky and Abe are avenged as Donna and Nicole use all of their talents, guns, and actual firearms to take down this threat to international peace.  The gals show the guys it takes more than muscle to stop arms dealers and crime lords in the Aloha State.  It takes smarts, boobs, and guns too.  Check out Estrada’s right hand man Tong, played by one Danny Trejo.

Good gravy I love Andy Sidaris films.  The world is truly a darker place without his bright and shining light.  As a filmmaker Andy Sidaris had a definite oeuvre that is unmistakable.  He believed in the three B’s to make a movie work-Boobs, Bullets, and Bombs (though a DVD series containing twelve films replaced Boobs with Babes). That shouldn’t come as a surprise from the ABC Sports director who gave us the honey shot when he would focus on the cheerleaders or attractive fans in the stands.  Sometimes the plots get convoluted but as long as there are scantily clad busty women kicking bad guys’ asses then who cares, it’s all good.  The production values of his films are pretty top notch so GUNS doesn’t suffer from most ills that plague low budget films.  The explosions are real and it’s shot on location in Hawaii.  Add in the fact that its packed with Playmates and Pets and it doesn’t get much better than that.  Check out the trailer below.



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