Franchise Fuckery: Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)


WRONG TURN 5: BLOODLINES is the sequel to the prequel WRONG TURN 4: BLOODY BEGINNINGS which still leaves the cliffhanger conclusion to WRONG TURN 3: LEFT FOR DEAD.  I wonder if the death of Three Finger in the third one will prevent a direct sequel and continue spawning prequels…meh.  The series may have taken a wrong turn when it offed its most popular hillbilly mountain man cannibal.  Well more than likely it is because the whole series needs the three brothers to try to cobble together a story so they have to go back in time to get Saw Tooth and One Eye back in the story.  Anyhow this is the second in the continuity and the fourth sequel to the damnable sire that is WRONG TURN.

The legendary Mountain Man Festival is going on in Fair Lake, West Virginia and the town is packed to the gills with tourists and hipsters.  This Halloween festival is only rivaled by the likes of Coachella as folks come from all around the world to celebrate music and the hillbilly lifestyle.  Apparently Three Finger and his family are celebrities too because people go around town dressed up as the murderous hicks.  The festival sounds like a big deal but other than a hottie seducing a deputy and a few shots of a small crowd in town there is no indication of a festival going on besides dialogue.  The majority of the film is shot on a shitty small backlot set that looks like downtown Hill Valley circa 1955 in BACK TO THE FUTURE if Hill Valley only had four buildings.  

College friends Billy (Simon Ginty), Lita (Roxanne McKee), Gus (Paul Luebke), Julian (Oliver Hoare), and Cruz (Amy Lennox) are camping and enjoying all Fair Lake has to offer in the fall.  They run afoul of the murderous Maynard (Doug Bradley) and Sheriff Angela (Camilla Arfwedson) intervenes before the rest of the mountain man clan can spring their trap.  Billy gets locked up for dope and Maynard is locked up for assault.  Further investigation reveals that Maynard is a serial killer that has been on the run for thirty years.  Taking no more precaution than she would with a drunk and disorderly, Sheriff Angela keeps Maynard in the cell and calls the state police to arrange a pick up while she is the only law enforcement officer in the jail.  In fact, Greenbrier County must have the smallest sheriff’s office in the country.  There are only two deputies seen aside from the Sheriff herself.  Deputy Biggs (Kyle Redmond-Jones) is dispatched by Three Finger and company and Deputy Mike (Svilen Cholakov) gets sexed up by a smoking hot groupie and is never heard from again (he’s not killed, he just disappears entirely from the storyline).

Three Finger, Saw Tooth, and One Eye begin to work their way through the college students in creative and gruesome fashion.  A couple are gutted, a couple get run down with a snow blower, some burn, some are blinded, one escapes fire by suicide and one of the gutted victims eats her own guts.  There are some pretty good practical effects but the film is marred by cheaping out and using a lot of CGI blood spray and splatter instead of going all practical.  It’s not even the bit ones that are done with CGI just small ones like severed fingers and hands.  It really pulls the viewer out of the film.  The Bulgarian sound stage did little for the film.  It almost looks too quaint like one of the fake towns set up for atomic bomb tests.  The acting is decent all around with Doug Bradley chewing scenery from a jail cell for most of the film.  The plot is pretty braindead.  It runs a simple trajectory as a bridge film between part 4 and part 1 or maybe even a part 6 if it gets made.

Overall WRONG TURN 5: BLOODLINES is what can be expected from a fast, low-budget, Bulgarian lensed and crewed flick.  The CGI is unfortunate but the practical effects are pretty stout.  In the end it delivers what you expect: hot babes, gorked out inbred hillbillies, lots of gore and a simple plot.  The most merciful thing that could happen is for this franchise to end here…maybe get a final sequel to put it to rest for good.  WRONG TURN 5: BLOODLINES includes several BTS featurettes: “A Day in the Death,” “Hillbilly Kills,” “Director’s Die-aries,” and a commentary track by director Declan O’Brien.

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