Indie Flix: Girls Gone Dead (2012)

First off let me say this flick is atrocious.  The writing is piss poor.  The effects are a joke and something this inept needs more than one inept and ham-fisted director to make something like this happen.  It also helps reinforce’s theory that no good films can ever come out of Florida.  I argue to the contrary, concerning films from Florida, but we are at a loggerhead.  Both of us use PRIMAL RAGE as an example-I’m not sure what that means… anyway back to the piece of shit at hand.

Even keeping in mind that this is satire-I’m giving some benefit of the doubt here–it plays out bad on almost every level. Not even bad in a good way but bad in the ham-fisted inept way mentioned above.

GIRLS GONE DEAD is a horribly dated premise to begin with.  Is Girls Gone Wild even around anymore? I haven’t heard the name since Eliot Spitzer dipped his wick in one of them.  Hell I haven’t even heard or seen it referenced since Jerry O’Connell played the sleaze peddler in PIRANHA 3D.  Well that doesn’t stop the “writers” and “directors” from presenting this turd.  To help make it seem more modern we get Beetlejuice and Sal the Stockbroker from the Wack Pack.  What the fuck? Hell they were the best thing about the movie and they are in about two and a half minutes give or take.  

The flick follows a group of “ex-highschool cheerleaders”  to a spring break like vacation in some Florida retirement community at the suggestion of one of the girls wealthy real estate mogul father.  I think? There is a weird story thread (if there are any threads in this) that unwittingly mixes fundamentalist TV evangelicalism with Catholicism making an unbelievably ignorant story even more so.  Oh and the serial killer wields a war hammer or axe made of plastic.  You know, I’ve already spent way more thinking out the story than the filmmakers ever did.  Let’s get on with the very few highlights.

Tits.  There are quite a few titties on display here.  I suppose that is why they needed the GGW knock-off theme to get no name actresses to pop their tops.  Other than the outstanding performances of Beetlejuice and Sal the Stockbroker–hey it doesn’t take much to stand out in this flick so take “outstanding” how you may–the best bit of acting is Jerry Lawler piledriving (wrestling style not in the sexy way) a middle aged bottle blonde in a yard.  The only real interesting scene is the odd ritual or sacrifice dream at the very beginning and it lasts all of two minutes.  

If you value your time–hell even if you have tons of time to waste–do not waste it with GIRLS GONE DEAD.  This is the bottom of the indie horror barrel.  There are many better films out there and it is the basic idea and the story that help them be a decent flick.  This has neither.

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