Lady Killers: Blood Night: The Legend of Mary Hatchet (2009)

Most flicks have misleading posters.  This one does not.

Blood Night is a neat little throw back flick featuring Bill Moseley and Danielle Harris.  For the life of me I was expecting each of them to have bit parts but I was pleasantly surprised that was not the case.  Keeping with local tradition,  group of teens get together to celebrate the death of Bloody Mary.  She was the local psycho who murdered her family with an axe and was committed.  Later she kills a shit ton of folks in the asylum and is gunned down bare assed naked by the police in the middle of the road outside of the asylum.  This is one badass bitch.  Oh, part of why she went on the last killing spree is that she was told her baby, conceived in the asylum, was stillborn.  The first killing spree came about because she had her period.  Yep.

I told you it wasn’t lying.

Of course shit starts spinning out of control.  They go to the local graveyard and spook each other with Bloody Mary stories while they drink up and are joined by the caretaker–Bill Moseley as Crazy Ralph…I mean Graveyard Gus.  The teens like him and he seems to enjoy their company.  Afterwards they go back to one of their houses.  After some badass stripteasing by Alissa Dean (and I mean teasing no nudity but she is hot as hell), Samantha Jacob gets naked and fucks and other kids  hook up and fuck and they all get killed, the power goes out, folks go to the basement to check breakers, etc… They find out someone’s in the house slaughtering them one by one.  The survivors bolt from the house and encounter Crazy Ralph er Graveyard Gus who suggests going to the asylum to put an end to it forever.  

Man, I hated seeing her die.  Since she did though she should have taken all that shit off anyway.

At the looney bin a couple of them wait outside while Crazy…Gus leads them inside.  In classic slasher fashion the outside group is the first to go.  Spoiler alert…nah fuck it, if you are going to the trouble to read this you are either going to see the movie or not regardless of the fact that I tell you Danielle Harris has her period and goes bat shit crazy and starts killing people–like her mother!  Whatever.  You’re gonna watch it for boobs, you’re gonna watch it for blood, you’re gonna watch it for whatever that odd and slightly doubtful feeling you have that nags and asks “Am I fucking crazy for liking this shit?”  She  seems to take a bit too much pleasure in the slow and hard evisceration death of Alissa Dean and then she heads in for the rest. 

Slasher chic.

Danielle Harris stalks around the asylum in a plaid mini skirt and knee high fuck me boots wielding a giant fucking mattock its fucking badass.  The rundown interior of the amps up the sleazy scariness of this flick and things just keep looking more and more dire for the dwindling number of survivors.  This is one nihilistic flick.  It’s a slasher and it has strong supernatural elements like the early 80s flicks.  The settings, a graveyard, an asylum etc all lend themselves to the throwback feel.

Meet Graveyard Ralph.

My only real issue with this thing is the lighting.  There are a lot of fucking dark assed shots.  Other than that it’s fairly slick and well done.  The flick has plenty of nudity, or the enticement of crazy partying teens, to keep you interested until the killing resumes.  Don’t forget this thing opens up like a mother fucker on bath salts.  After a very brief hiatus the madness resumes and doesn’t let up until the credits roll.  

Samantha Jacobs shows off some of her talents.  For unfuzzier pics check out KingsCeleb

This thing is packed with starlets and a scream queen: Alissa Dean is stunning, Samantha Jacobs writhes around, and then Danielle Harris makes murder look good.  There is also the iconic Bill Moseley portraying the iconic Graveyard Ralph.  Good shit all the way around. Check it out!

Did I mention gore? Not sure if I did or not.

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