All the Boys Love Mandy Lane (2006)

Boy howdy how could they not?  This whole film is an orgy of drugs, drink, sex, and violence.  ALL THE BOYS LOVE MANDY LANE opens with a tight shot on her tight boy. So the opening premise seems to be that Mandy “got hot” over the summer and thirty-something jock, Dylan, invites her to a pool party that looks like it was ripped from the pages of an Abercrombie & Fitch catalog.  The party is winding down as kids get drunk and stoned.  Meanwhile Mandy just sits there.  Mandy’s best friend, Emmett, has tagged along and after being picked on all night goads Dylan into killing himself by leaping from his roof into his pool.  This is to establish that Mandy was once friend to losers and is now totally smoking hot.  You can imagine what the second party is going to be like…

Three of the lucky girl’s suitors…

After some typical high school stuff–sports, drama, drugs etc… Mandy goes to another party.  All the boys have “dibs” on popping Mandy’s hood.  This one is at a stoner’s ranch.  Even this movie has a fucking “last gas station” where the boys steal a keg, the girls snort some coke and hand jobs commence on the way to the ranch.

“See it gets big when it gets hard.  They all get big when they get hard.”

Drinking ensues and during truth or dare Marlin goes to comfort Jake who is accused of having the smallest dick.  In case you’re wondering “comfort” means “fell ate” and she sucks him to completion.  Turns out he may in fact have the smallest dick because she tells him him how it gets big.  Jake abandons Marlin in the barn and she soon ends up getting throat fucked with a shotgun to point where she is knocked out and blood pours from her mouth.  Pretty badass non-kill right there.  Bird gets it pretty good too. Slashed across the eyes which is gruesome and then the sounds of him getting stabbed repeatedly.  

Not sure if Marlin is really dead yet…

The kills are shockingly brutal and painfully slow.  Only one dies easy in this movie with the rest gurgling their way to an extremely slow and painful demise.  The flick takes no pains to conceal the killer’s identity, but the motivations will leave you reeling.

It would be a crime not to use this shot again…holy rolling plains… 

Director Jonathan Levine delivers the goods.  This flick is slick, original, and angsty.  It is well shot and it has a warm wash over the exterior shots like an overexposed photo.  My only real complaint is the overuse of really tight shots.  The characters are well played if stereotypical and Amber Heard is remarkable and understated as Mandy Lane.  She is an absolutely stunning final girl and delivers her character with conviction in the final act.  Even though I was aware of the movie and its plot it still managed to be shocking and horrifying.  

Not coming to a theatre near you…not even coming to a fucking store near you…

I have no fucking clue why this movie has not been given an official U.S. release.  Admittedly it is not scary in the traditional sense–but when you get to the twist it becomes absolutely horrifying.  In my humble opinion, dear readers, love it or hate it, this film could have “redefined” horror (or insert whatever verb you want there) much like SCREAM when it changed the game a decade prior to MANDY LANE.

Secure a copy of this gem however you can.  I viewed the Blu-ray from Optimum Home Releasing, you can get it for a song here from Amazon.  It is a UK import, but the film will still play on region 1 players while the special features will not.  I cannot recommend this film enough.

Check it out.

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