Rock Out With Your Cock Out: Black Roses (1988)

I just wish my air guitar could be so bangin’.



The Beatles weren’t evil were they?  Nope.  Then how can The Black Roses be evil?  The rationale is sound except for the fact that they are a rock band of demons the likes of which we haven’t seen since Slayer.  Well the pre-title sequence shows that the band may in fact be evil and that they may also have a negative impact on the town’s children.  The PTA is up in arms and wants the band stopped from coming to Mudsock, but the town’s mayor is able to talk sense to them and calm them somewhat.  


Teenage angst and flaming cans of paint explode on the night time streets of Mill Basin.  Luckily enough the uber cool teacher is there to witness the paint can and catch a glimpse of heartthrob Damien in the ever present and always menacing alleyway fog.  

I think my mom used to listen to this guy.

The next day Damien and the Roses show up looking more like Michael Bolton and his back up band than the ass-kickers that they truly are.  Yet somehow the kids in the crowd are rocking out nonetheless.  The mayor and the teachers decide that the parents of Mill Basin can handle their kids listening to Rod Stewart.  All the folks and people over 20 leave except for uber cool teacher Matt stares back knowingly at Damien.  Once the parents are gone out comes the bondage gear and the Janick Gers like riffs. 


Matt Diggler, or no hrmmm… Matt Moorehouse goes to talk to a now subdued Damien.  How can you tell he’s subdued?  He pretends to talk reasonably and has less than fabulous glam rock hair off stage.


Our angsty thirty five year old youth, John, you know the cat who torched the paint can has now gotten hisself an earring.  His Dad is a little disappointed.  He tells John ” Only two types of guys wear earrings. Pirates and faggots.  I don’t see a ship in the driveway.”  I think he is bummed out that Johnny boy isn’t a pirate.


Oddly enough it seems that this movie is made up of almost all Italian Americans and folks who have been temporarily laid off from their normal lines of work.  So we got a bunch o’ Guidos and all of the high schoolers seem to be 30+ years old.  Oh yeah, and I think I saw a playground on the high school lot, but maybe they were at the middle school lot.  I’m not sure now.


Things look up for Johnny.  I guess he must be a pirate because the other is eliminated, or at least made somewhat less likely by sex with a hot busty demon chick.  It looks absolutely life changing.  I’ve been involved with demon chicks in the past, but they weren’t hot and busty though… Well the sex is so good that it makes him shoot his dad in the face.  Demon sex leads to patricide.


Some of the interesting and uncomfortable features of this flick are strip gin with your step daughter’s hot friend, while the step-daughter gives a knowing smile to pops before retiring.  The other kind of cool thing is that all the school kids go from preppy proper to punk rocker.  I dig that. 

These are the “after” boobs. They really pale in comparison, so much so the inter webs ate all pics of them.

Julie’s body double massaged her breasts for quite awhile.  It really helps bridge the slow part of the movie.  Without that sweet mammary massage I would have probably dozed off. 


Julie’s post demon breasts are hell a lot less enticing.  What the fuck happened.  They are way less firm.  Way less perky and may as well sag down to her belly button.  They are surely dogs when compared to the previous fine puppies.  Well she tries to sex up our porn mustache teacher.  The relationship they had was bad news and coming to this anyway.  Well he bitch slaps her for trying to blow him and after she transforms he stabs her in the chest repeatedly with a broken stool leg.  He thought her tits sucked too I guess. 


Well the “message” of this seems obvious.  It is satire mocking overly conservative parents who coddle their children and don’t want them to grow up and face the real world.  Well when that happens you end up with demon kids who just kill you anyway.  Subtle.  I like it.

You ready to rock?



Pure 80’s cheesy goodness this flick will deliver.  Glam rock, back woods towns and schools and all the trimmings.  Check it out, it is a finely aged piece for sure!


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